A couple of weeks ago, I walked into a hospital to visit a loved one.

This was my first time back in a hospital since Momma. The woman at the check-in remembered me from the other hospital.

I managed to hold it together until i got on the floor talking to the Dr.

I was told that day that I would have to get past that because people would be in the hospital.

My response was, “I will do what is required of me when the time comes.”

Well, a couple of weeks later, the universe screamed,

IT’S TIIIIMMMEEE.

Two of the guards here recognized me when I walked in.

One hugged me.

The other asked, “Same person?”

I managed to choke out “No, my Momma passed last year. This is my sister-in-law.”

Everyone within ear shot stopped and looked at me

She gave me a nod, a sad smile and said, “You were here. I’m sorry you’re here again, there are some people you just don’t forget.”

I smiled through tears and said, “that is bittersweet, thank you.”

The tears continued as I traveled down the same corridor to the elevator. It stopped on the same floor. When the door opened I’m pretty sure I audibly gasped.

I stood for a minute looking down the hall remembering my last goodbye.

So here I sit, 465 days AFTER.

Same place, same broken heart.

Just a different goodbye

From the window, I see the room that I cried and begged God in.

It took me back to the actual moment that my heart changed forever.

The moment when my prayers went from miracle to mercy.

Those dark, quiet hospital hallways taught me what love actually meant to me.

Corporate America paints love with diamonds, chocolate, flowers, and $20K weddings.

They sell us a pretty lie, and we buy it!!!

What is love to me?

Love is a hospital room.

Love is the word you barely choke out clarifying the decision that you make after the ugly truth is spoken!!

Love is standing on someone else’s choice, no matter how many pieces your heart breaks into.

Love is the prayer for mercy!!

My mind spun so hard today that I texted my sister.

She said, “What are you asking me?”

I wasn’t really sure then, but now I know I needed validation.

I needed her to let me know that she held no ill will for the choice that I had to make.  I didn’t make it for me, I made it for Momma.

This time, in these halls, my opinion doesn’t matter.

My opinion is wrapped in the ugly truth that nobody wants to look at.

You can comfort someone with a pretty lie, but the ugly truth is the hill that I will stand on.

Today I fought again for another person that I loved.

I begged the heavens to let her know that I stood!!

I stood in the only way that I could.

Soon, my circle will get just a little bit smaller.

I’m thankful that I understand sometimes letting go is the most genuine and unselfish picture of love.