Most people think that the “firsts” are the hardest. I guess, in their own special way, they are.

Those seconds, though!!!!

They hit like a sledgehammer some days.

I’m not sure if it is the world, or maybe my own expectations, that have me feeling like this.

Everyone KNOWS the first birthday, holiday season, anniversary, etc., is hard.

Some people send a text or a hug.

That second year…should be easier, right?

Last year, I skipped what I could, and everyone understood.

This year?

I think my own expectations have been a little high.

I love fall colors and have been ordering new decorations. I had it in my head that Momma would want me to. She loved the holidays and always made them special.

I honestly have been excited about shopping on Amazon. I even sent my sister a couple of pictures.

“You’re decorating?”

“Yeah, I love the colors!!”

Well, this morning I was standing in the kitchen. I grabbed a potholder, and my eyes immediately teared up.

This potholder was delivered a couple of days after Momma went to the hospital.

I knew that she had ordered it for my September birthday because it was purple.

That kind of set the mood for the day!!

I cried when I fed the cat, when my package came in, and while I made my husband dinner.

Facebook didn’t help!!

My memory for the day was this picture from 15 years ago.

That picture was taken outside of my favorite little restaurant, Wilkerson’s. It was in Colonial Beach, and I always wanted to go there for my birthday.

“All-you-can-eat” crab legs.

I remember the first year I requested it. She said they were awfully expensive, but it was fine if I made it worth it.

I said, “Okay, Momma. How many plates is worth it?”

Momma said, “Two.”

She stopped counting at six. 😂

They also had amazing strawberry margaritas!!

Anyway…

I’m trying to figure out how to carry memories and love forward.

Some days I just cry at the sight of the last picture.

And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe the second year isn’t supposed to be easier.

Maybe it’s just different.

The world keeps moving forward, but sometimes a little potholder can stop you dead in your tracks and take you right back to a moment you didn’t even realize you were still carrying.

❤️